seeing you everywhere

I can see you
at every shop
at every path
and even the movie
that we both watch together
Whenever I step into the shop
I will recall back the time I was busy choosing gift to give you surprise before I am going back to meet you
Whenever I walk on the path
I will recall back the time we were walking together and I try to hold your hand
Whenever I saw the things related to a movie called 'The Conjuring'
I will recall back the time I quietly hold your little hand and look at you when you feel scare as that was the first movie we watch together after we know each other for a long time
I did really enjoy the moment I spent with you
I can wait for you
I don't care for the time
Really
I just care for you
Just that why
Why that you said the things that would make me feel tremendously sad few days later after we enjoy our time together?
I thought that you would feel the same way I do?
I thought that everything is fine and we could be together after sometimes later?
I do not want you to say sorry to me
Because the sorry you said
It hurts me so much
I know that there is still something inside of you
Just that why
Why you choose to bury it?
I can be better with you
Your existence always motivates me
Girl,do you know that?
Do not think that you are my burden
NO,it is always a NO for that
Not the past
Not now
and Now the future
I don't force you to be with me right now
I will give you the time
Just that why
Why you choose to shorten the time and give me a NO?
I do not mean that you cannot reject me
It is just that
Is it really what you want to say from your heart?
Or you are being forced to say so?
I can still remember your smile that would brighten my day
I can still remember the little things you say that would make my night not only a night
I think of you every single night when I was alone
I think of you when I listen to the songs that I arrange specially for you
Just that why
Why you make your decision so fast before you can listen to those songs that I specially prepared for you?
I was planning to take you to the beach that was once my promise to you
before you take your exam in the month of November
I wished that you can be relax together with me
where you can listen to the sound of the ocean waves
where you can feel the cold wind caresses your face
where you can fully put down your guard
where your soul can be comforted
where you can see me gazing at you with a silly smile
Everything now is so much a joke
A joke from the fate
And I am the clown
being fooled by the fate
Thanks to the fate
For letting me to meet you at the first time
For letting me to chat with you
For letting me to date you out
For letting me to know the feeling how I can be so happy because of you
But then
Thanks to the fate too
To throw me down from the heaven to the hell
To smack on my head so hard
so that I could be awaken from the dream that you create for me
Girl,now you can leave me as you wish
as what I think that I am the one that make you so stressed out
from the moment i get to know those words from you
from the moment my heart really breaks into pieces and pieces that cannot be mended
So sorry that I mess up your life
but I wish you to know that
I have no regret to fall in love with you
although it hurts me as well

August,Tragic

All of sudden I hate this August very much
I just fall from heaven to hell
All of sudden, she just send me few messages and until the 3rd, she just friend-zoned me...
She said that she can just consider me as friend 
And say lots of sorry to me which that is what I need
After what I did so much
After giving me hope and then break it
After I thought that both of us will be together if I can do well
It is all Different than what I plan, I thought something good will happen if I continuously to do well
Obviously, it is all just my irrational belief
Its a Fact,The fate likes to fool a person and that person is me right now
Not to say that I cannot live without her
But the heart would feel the pain
This is the Second time in my life
And this HURTS me the most for now than the first time
LOL I just be a clown on the stage playing by the Fate for such long time hahaha
Lucius